when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do herpes really smell.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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