If that was your dad, he is hot
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
