I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
