Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
