I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize