Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
