I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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