two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
