those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
