I cockslap morals
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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