Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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