Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
