After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
