He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk is not a location!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
