You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
