Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
