I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
