He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
