I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize