shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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