I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize