I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
