fuck your aforementioned shoe
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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