I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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