Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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