I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
