i think my tv is drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
