There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
