where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize