Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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