I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
