I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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