I swear to god he's a one man village people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
