he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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