I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
