Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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