Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
