That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
