just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
