Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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