oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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