The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
