i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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