U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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