I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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