The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
