LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
