it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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