What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize