He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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