i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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