i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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