hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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