Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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