I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
