I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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