I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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