I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
