well most of my day revolves around power hour
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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