I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
