So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
