Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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