i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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