I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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