eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
