I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
