It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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