i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
