She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize