just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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